I'm back and still Phat!

As you can see I have not posted in a long while. I postponed posting because I had myself believing I was a failure. UBERFAILURE.

Failed again.

(Well, and I forgot my passwords.)

I got so focused on:  Portion control. Track your calories. Weigh yourself. Don’t drink at meals. Eat only protein. Lower those carbs. Drink plenty of water. Dairy is bad. Meat is bad. Don’t eat bread. Don’t drink juice. Eggs are bad. Butter is bad. Give up coffee. Don’t eat sugar. Take this pill. Maybe an enema a week will help. Exercise because you have too. 

I should have seen I was doomed to fail.

What I truly needed was a head extraction from my ass. I fell into the propaganda of weight loss = happiness. That those 3 digits on the scale are what determines my happiness with my body. My body which does so much that I ask of it daily, even does for me when I don’t command it to. How could I fall back into the self destructive, self loathing of that which is me? Weight and health are two different things. I forgot that my body is amazing just as it is.  I started focusing more on weight then on health.

How do I get healthy? Having a healthy, happy relationship with my body is definitely a priority. I don’t know how my body will change over time but I believe that I need to love and appreciate my body for what it does for me and that will help me achieve healthier living.

Many fat people eat up the idea that their size determines their worth and that they don’t deserve to be treated well. Weight loss (getting skinny) is not what has an effect on your health. It’s the changes in actual behaviors that can create health changes.  There are millions of skinny people who are unhealthy. Diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and thousand of other diseases afflict skinny people every day. Weight does not equal healthy.

So, my new decision for the coming future is to focus on getting healthy by doing the following:

I will not be afraid of food.  I know I must eat to support my body and being afraid of food will not make me healthier. Sustaining from foods that I crave will only force me to overindulge secretly which will hurt me more.

I will not tolerate fat haters. If I allow haters to stress me out it is bad for my health. That goes for societies standards of beauty, the medical field, and any friends or family members who just don’t get it. I will not give you power over me. Shaming me will not make me healthier. It will however piss me off.

I will not be stressed by exercise. I have viewed exercise as the means to force my body into an acceptable shape by society’s standards. I will embrace exercise on a daily basis by not how many calories it burns, but by how it makes me feel. I will enjoy a walk in the park with my daughter, dancing in the living room with my husband. Movement of any kind will help me be healthier.

I will stop hating my body. My body is beautiful and amazing and perfect just the way it is. If tomorrow brings on changes, well damn it I will be perfect then too.

I will be grateful to my body for everything it does for me, and I will not be made to feel less valuable because I am the wrong shape or size according to others.

I will stop confusing health and weight, and I will stop trying to solve health problems with body size cure all's such as extreme exercise, dieting or self destructive thinking.

I will take time to learn what food, drinks and exercise my body likes, instead of allowing someone to decide for me.

I will decide that there is nothing in the world that can stop me from loving myself and my body and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

I will love myself. Right now, as I am, from this second on.

-Peace To My Peeps-

Mamie

I Got The Beat

So last week I dove into adjusting back into my routine of things.  I am back on track as far as eating right, but I am still lagging behind on the motivation to get my ass to the gym. I went one time last week and struggled with my energy level to get going. Now granted this is my week of “psychotic emotional mental and physical anguish” due to ya know “mother nature”.

I didn't think I was all that bad with mood swings this time I felt I was like:

My husband disagreed though. He felt I was more on the level of :

We agreed to disagree and determined which ever I was, I surely wasn't :

Hopefully things will start moving in the right direction. I am still at 20.4 pound down.

I did want to talk a little about my play list that I listen to while working out. I am a traditionalist, and by traditionalist I mean, traditionally I workout to show tunes and 80/90’s music…lol

So here are two new different play lists of music that gets me going!

Play list #1

Maniac                                                 Michael Sembello

Flashdance                                           Irene Cara

All Fired Up                                         Pat Benatar

Baby I’m A Star                                   Prince

Bawitdaba                                            Kid Rock

Holding Out for Hero                            Bonnie Tyler

Let’s Go Crazy                                     Prince

Carry On Wayward Son                       Kansas

Don’t Let the Sun Go Down                 Elton John/George Michael

Play list #2

It’s a Man’s World                               Glee Club

One Minute Man                                  Missy Elliot

Roll It Gal                                             Alison Hinds

Boom Boom Pow                                 BEPEAS

Right Round                                         Flo Rida

Work It                                                Missy Elliot

Hate On Me                                         Jill Scott

Beautiful                                               Christina Aguilera

Till next time peeps!

 Mamie

Time Travel?

Ever hear of time travel?

Well that is what is going to happen. I am time traveling past the last three weeks! It all began with my husband being unavailable to keep our little girl so I could go work out. He would come in around 9:30 and say "there is still time to go to the gym". Ha. I don’t leave the house after 9 if I don’t have to. Once those jammies come on, I ain’t a traveling out.

At the end of that week I had to pack and fly away to the great state of Minnesota! I attended a sculpting retreat there with 7 other fabulous ladies. A week full of sculpting, staying up pass 2 am hopped up on coffee. The retreat was hosted by a fantastic lady who happened to be an awesome chef! And most of her meals were prepared with fresh vegetables but not all were under my calorie intake. Not to mention, I snacked on a few brownies now and then. I think in my delirious sleep deprived state, I may recall a slice or two of birthday cake. Maybe.

Great River Retreat Minnesota

On the plane flight home, I vowed I would give myself one week before getting on the scale and seeing how bad I was. The next morning, I got on the scale anyway, and had gained 5 pounds. Yikes. I wasn’t too disappointed I mean, brownies and birthday cake, I expected a rise in my weight. Especially since the only exercise I got was walking upstairs to my room twice a day. 

So I gave my self a week to get back in gear. I went to the gym once last week. I got back onto my calorie tracking and lost the 5 I had gained back.  I am starting this week out once again at my last good weight of 245. YAY!

So what have I learned these last few weeks? That, regardless of good intentions, after all I did pack healthy food in my suitcase, when tempted with goodies that 7 other ladies were enjoying, I cave. Getting back on the wagon is really hard to do once your fat ass falls off. And even though you may time travel pass your oopsies; the memory is still there in your head, and on your ass.

Until next week my friends!

Peace

 Mamie

Week 3

Week 3 started with a severe thunderstorm threatening my workout. I rushed home to change from work and flew as quickly as I could to the gym so that I would not get drenched. Luckily the room in which I was stumbling over my own two feet trying to do Group Groove* in, didn’t lose power so the instructor had the whole HOUR to torture me and remind me once again, I am not that skinny girl I used to be. 

*Note: doing cardio choreographed dance moves when you are 100 pounds over weight is quite difficult and you should check with a licensed physician before attempting; he may need to slap you across the face for even considering it!

If you do not know what Group Groove is follow this link it is a video trailer for the release I attempted last Monday night. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eg6F-iZCihc

Last week proved more difficult for me. I only made it to the gym twice, because I had some last minute changes to plans that gave me a reason to make it hard to go the gym. I also had some friends over on Sunday and even though I stayed under my calorie count for the day, I ate way more food then I should have.

Monday morning I stopped by a local fast food place to grab some coffee and the sun was glistening off this ad.

It really bothered me. America has gotten so out of control with everything needing to be BIG. SUPER. EXTRA. But then society expects us to be small, tiny, thin. Even at the gym while exercising on the treadmill I watch commercial after commercial of fast food junk mind control. I think I may also have to give up TV in my new lifestyle.

I felt I needed a little extra “Ummphfff” of inspiration so I purchased a beautiful maxi dress. The dress is in my goal size. And damn it one day I will fit in it!!!!

Well here are my stats for this week.

Weekly  Summary
	Budget	Food	Exercise			Weight (lbs)
7/25/11	1,507	1,402	372			253
7/26/11	1,434	1,116	422			241.8
7/27/11	1,491	951	0			250.6
7/28/11	1,494	1,491	0			251
7/29/11	1,494	1,302	0			251
7/30/11	1,494	1,093	0			251
7/31/11	1,490	1,468	185			250.4
2,561 calories under budget for the week
Lost 4 pounds this week!!!

This week I have to kick it up a notch! Going on Holiday next week! Yikes!

Keep Shining!

Second Week Down!

I worked out a few times in “sneakers designed for aerobics with high dollar price tag” but my feet were left aching and swollen. So I had a brilliant idea to wear what I use to wear a lot. My chucks. I love chucks. But guess what, chucks hurt too. By the end of the week I had painful blisters on both little toes and two achy heals. But alas, I still exercised, painful feet is no excuse. 

Last week was a little harder for me. I was wanting, no dreaming, of eating lots of things that were not good for me. Donuts, cakes, pies, ice cream, m&m’s, at one point I found myself about to lick my little girls fingers that were covered in chocolate, considering she has recently learned to pick her boogers, I decided it wasn't a smart idea, say it with me ewwww! 

 

Instead I ate a small piece of Hershey’s chocolate. You know, that tiny 1 x 1 ½ inch square of delightful heaven, stopped the cravings. Sometimes you have to have a little to go further. And it didn’t hurt my calorie count by too much.

I went through the week eating my frozen lunches and snacks as I planned and we took turns cooking dinner (that helps sooo much because I hate cooking).  We ate out on Friday night at Subway; I chose a sandwich that was less than 400 calories so all was good.

Saturday. SOS. Sinking ship! Uh Oh. Neither of us wanted to cook and neither of us wanted to drive to go get something. So we ordered pizza. My plan was to eat no more then 2 slices of a small pizza keeping well below my calorie intake of the day. PLANNED FAILED! I succumbed to the call of that greasy cheesy vegetable circle of calories and ate a third piece. Immediately after that I felt ill. 

I can't eat three slices of this!

If I wanna look like that.....

Subconsciously inflicted illness? Who will ever know, but I went to bed that night with a tummy ache and a heavy heart for failing myself. I knew those 3 slices of pizza was overdoing it. And my body was just telling me “HA! Now you have to pay for it!” Live and learn right?

So what have I learned this week? Wrap up those little toe’s with some sort of bandage, because you have been sitting on your ass for years and they aren’t use to rubbing the inside of your shoes during excessive walking. Giving your self a little reward is perfectly okay (as long as it doesn’t involve licking booger fingers) but overindulgence is unwise when trying to create a new lifestyle change.

All in All I am still trucking down that weight/fat loss highway. And I am still proud of myself for making it to the gym 3 times last week, trying Zumba (that’s another story) and for lasting my goal of 5 minutes on the elliptical machine. YAY ME!

This weeks stats:

Summary
	Budget	Food	Calories Burned			Weight (lbs)
7/18/11	1,547	1,431	271			259
7/19/11	1,547	1,399	319			259
7/20/11	1,547	748	0			259
7/21/11	1,520	1,293	0			255
7/22/11	1,516	1,055	485			254.4
7/23/11	1,516	1,353	0			254.4
7/24/11	1,516	1,347	0			254.4
3,158 calories under budget for the week
1075 Calories burned thru exercise
Lost 4.6 pounds this week

Overall  Lost: 10.6 pounds

 

 

Till next time peeps!

 Keep Shining!

Week 1 Down and Gone!

Okay so I am still alive! I have put into motion a new life style plan! Whoop Whoop!

Last week I started a new calorie tracker program and set a goal of no more then 1789 a day in calories. By the end of the week I felt like this was a little high so I lowered it to 1547. I went to the gym 3 times and I did some spirit dancing at home one evening.
 I am soo stoked that I had a great week and I did all this for me! I dove in with the mindset that this was the beginning of my SELF CARING! A new friend told me a few weeks ago that I could not be the best for my family if I did not figure out a way to be the best me! And I have to admit I feel energized and I think I have at least smiled 3-4 times everyday. :) I know I know what a surprise!

 

Last week I also went for a bra fitting, ATTENTION LADIES!!!! Do this! I can not say how happy I was to have the girls back where they are suppose to be! I was like hello ladies, say goodbye to the basement, it's nice to see you back in the penthouse! :) So many of us wear the wrong size bras and trust me I didn't think it mattered but it does.  Helps with that ole self esteem!

I also invested in a few pair of Spanx. Now these can be a little pricey but you can find them on ebay  (NWT), for a lot cheaper. Spanx do not help you lose weight, unless you count the time putting them on as a workout, but they do hide and smooth out your curves, which in my case is like rolling hills, and they also give your confidence a boost and it helps with your posture as well.

 

NO this is not me!

Foods- Well I have been eating Lean Cuisine's for lunch and my snacks are fruits, almonds carrots, cucumber or beef jerky. For breakfast I have a bagel, or boiled eggs and a side of yogurt sometimes I grab a Kashi bar.  Dinner has been home cooked and with veggies, no starches.  Last week I stayed true to my plan and only ate out twice. Lubys and Applebees, both times I ate the healthiest thing I could find on the menu.

So here are my stats:

Weekly Report for week of July 11, 2011

Daily Summary
	Budget	Food	Calories Burned (Exercise)			Weight
Jul-11-11	-	-	-			-
Jul-12-11	1,798	1,683	Treadmill, Bike, Strength Training 236			265
Jul-13-11	1,798	1,233	Treadmill, Bike, Strength Training 320			-
Jul-14-11	1,798	1,089	Spirit Dancing 299			265
Jul-15-11	1,798	1,768	-			-
Jul-16-11	1,798	1,521	-			-
Jul-17-11	1,547	1,318	Gardening 185			259
1925 calories under for the week
1,041 exercise calories burned this week
LOST 6 pounds this week!!!!!!!!!

Come on Week 2...I got this!   :)

Fat to Phat?

So what's the plan man? How do I get from 20 jeans to 14 oh yes please? Well it isn't going to happen over night. It took me many years to get to this size, so I know it will take many to get me back healthy. I don't have unrealtistic expectations, I do not expect to ever be like Kate Beckinsale.

Kate Beckinsale

Sophia Loren

 

LISTEN LADIES! You do not have to be SKINNY to be HOT! Society has moved away from thinking bombshell beauties like Sophia Loren to skinny skinny ladies like Miss Kate was the way to be. It is unhealthy to think someone (mainly me) not shaped like dear Kate could look like her. However, I do expect to look in the mirror one day soon, at my sexy curves, and healthy body and say damn...I worked hard...and I feel great! I have focused so long, and so many years on hating my outer body, that I kept this skinny girl attitude deep down inside. You know, the chic who can walk in a room and with her smile and confidence, charm the room.  Yea that "skinnae gurl attitude" that's what I am talkin about!

Like these Models who are making the covers of magazines today!

Candice Hauffine

Kasia P

 

 

 

 

 

Tara Lynn

All "plus" size models, but they are healthy and so very sexy. 

So, my plan is:

1. Stop beating myself down. See my spirit not my flab!

2. Eat healthier (Limit to eating out once or twice a week) Limit sweets and fried foods!

3. Snack. That's right I said snack. Since I am lowering my food intake to less then 1500 calories a day, I need to eat more healthier snacks through the day, to keep my energy level high. Not 2 meals packed high in fat and huge portion sizes like I have been doing.

4. Exercise! I have worked at a desk for 17 years....NO WONDER my ass is ssoooo fat!

5. Log my stats in my iphone app "Lose it" to stay on track. 

I have set my goal to lose 65 pounds by next February. So here I  go....

-peace peeps-