As you can see I have not posted in a long while. I postponed posting because I had myself believing I was a failure. UBERFAILURE.
Failed again.
(Well, and I forgot my passwords.)
I got so focused on: Portion control. Track your calories. Weigh yourself. Don’t drink at meals. Eat only protein. Lower those carbs. Drink plenty of water. Dairy is bad. Meat is bad. Don’t eat bread. Don’t drink juice. Eggs are bad. Butter is bad. Give up coffee. Don’t eat sugar. Take this pill. Maybe an enema a week will help. Exercise because you have too.
What I truly needed was a head extraction from my ass. I fell into the propaganda of weight loss = happiness. That those 3 digits on the scale are what determines my happiness with my body. My body which does so much that I ask of it daily, even does for me when I don’t command it to. How could I fall back into the self destructive, self loathing of that which is me? Weight and health are two different things. I forgot that my body is amazing just as it is. I started focusing more on weight then on health.
How do I get healthy? Having a healthy, happy relationship with my body is definitely a priority. I don’t know how my body will change over time but I believe that I need to love and appreciate my body for what it does for me and that will help me achieve healthier living.
Many fat people eat up the idea that their size determines their worth and that they don’t deserve to be treated well. Weight loss (getting skinny) is not what has an effect on your health. It’s the changes in actual behaviors that can create health changes. There are millions of skinny people who are unhealthy. Diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and thousand of other diseases afflict skinny people every day. Weight does not equal healthy.
So, my new decision for the coming future is to focus on getting healthy by doing the following:
I will not be afraid of food. I know I must eat to support my body and being afraid of food will not make me healthier. Sustaining from foods that I crave will only force me to overindulge secretly which will hurt me more.
I will not tolerate fat haters. If I allow haters to stress me out it is bad for my health. That goes for societies standards of beauty, the medical field, and any friends or family members who just don’t get it. I will not give you power over me. Shaming me will not make me healthier. It will however piss me off.
I will not be stressed by exercise. I have viewed exercise as the means to force my body into an acceptable shape by society’s standards. I will embrace exercise on a daily basis by not how many calories it burns, but by how it makes me feel. I will enjoy a walk in the park with my daughter, dancing in the living room with my husband. Movement of any kind will help me be healthier.
I will stop hating my body. My body is beautiful and amazing and perfect just the way it is. If tomorrow brings on changes, well damn it I will be perfect then too.
I will be grateful to my body for everything it does for me, and I will not be made to feel less valuable because I am the wrong shape or size according to others.
I will stop confusing health and weight, and I will stop trying to solve health problems with body size cure all's such as extreme exercise, dieting or self destructive thinking.
I will take time to learn what food, drinks and exercise my body likes, instead of allowing someone to decide for me.
I will decide that there is nothing in the world that can stop me from loving myself and my body and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen.
I will love myself. Right now, as I am, from this second on.
-Peace To My Peeps-
Mamie
